The Kuba Problem, and Other Stuff and Things
Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2025 1:25 pm
A couple of posts ago, when I was talking about all the ways Bluesky has been disappointing, and sorta kinda enshitifying itself, despite claims of being bulletproof in regard to … being enshitified, alongside data that shows that user activity on Bluesky is on the decline, while activity on the Fediverse is on its continuous upward climb. A climb it’s been on since, well, forever. Anyway, I lost track of my thoughts here, but when I made that post, there was this guy, uh, I think his name is MacGruber, or MacKoba, or something! I don’t know, but it really pisses him off when I, specifically, write negatively about Bluesky.
And he shares it with his followers, which just so happen to contain a little less than a handful of other people who also hate me for things, like, calling them out on transmisogyny, calling them out for selling generative slop on their Patreons, and so on and so forth.
I addressed this guy on his Mastodon account, and he referred to me as a "journalist" (despite thinking that what I write is "not very good"), and that he shouldn't have to respect blocks, even though I've had him blocked on Bluesky for almost a year after discovering that he added me to a blocklist specifically called something like, "People allergic to AI," and then later, "People who are mean to the Bluesky devs" abloobloobloo. In fact, I only know that this guy has been obsessively commenting on my blog posts related to Bluesky, because I have webmentions turned on, and I've been largely ignoring him.
But, it made me kind of realize something kind of unrelated?
I've been ... afraid to talk about myself? To write about ... myself! Because of stuff like this. Because of stalkers, and people who obsess. And, I kind of realize that this whole act of only writing about news, gaming news, games, etc, etc, probably feels or reads like I'm holding everyone and everything at arms length.
And I am.
I've written about a lot of different things in regard to myself over the years, but more like ... in a scattered sort of way. I've routinely talked about what happened in 2020 on Twitter in regard to the synthwave community, and what the people over at nightride.fm perpetuated that effectively excommunicated me from the scene, as an artist, because I told Moonrunner that it was transphobic to call me a "he/she/they" when he was addressing me in a "sub-posting" sort of manner. And I've tried to bring this up each time I release a new album (by the way, I have an album releasing on October 31st). There's a lot more to it than that. A lot more artists involved in the backlash, some of which still block me across new social networks as they crop up.
There has never been any justice for this, nobody has ever reaped what they've sewn.
Most people know, that, after this incident, I returned to the physical offline workspace, and returned to the closet. I stuffed myself back into the closet, as a trans woman, because, well ... I'm scared? I don't have any support? I don't even really have all that many friends. And I'm getting older. We all know that a lot of trans community online spaces don't really give two shits about you once you've grown past the age of like, twenty nine. A lot of people online in-general will act as though you're a ghost, unless they personally feel like they can fuck you.
And boy oh boy, do I feel like a ghost most days.
Heck, the first time I registered on Bluesky, back when it was still an invite-only privileged garden, I was dogpiled by some trans community personality cult (Bonnie? @bonnie?? I don't know), because I asked her to slap a content warning on posts where she addressed her followers (I was one of them) as "tr_nnies." Content warnings are kind of a no-brainer that happen regularly on ActivityPub/Mastodon, and I suppose it was my mistake for thinking that people on other sites also care about other people.
But, I had only signed up on Bluesky, because Meta was fumbling Threads, and basically started making it worse only months after having launched it.
And I was only on Threads, because I was banned from hackers.town (now masto.hackers.town) for having a mental health crisis wherein I told a troll to go fuck himself, and lost my account of fours years. This is also something I've talked about frequently.
The admin has never reached out to apologize.
This is why I feel the most comfortable on social media, if I'm the one who runs the server, and has control over my data. And this is also why my social "reach" is basically dead.
On Bluesky, there's no "engagement" because half the people I see on the timeline are sharing and saying things that are, frankly, horrible and wrong most of the time (like this trans man, recently, who just came out of the woodwork calling trans people "chasers" for dating each other, and there was mostly absolutely zero push-back), and I don't tolerate them. I'm not nice. I have no reason to be nice to most people, because most people haven't given me a reason to treat them kindly ... at least, on the big ol' Bluesky. Even the people who've claimed that they wanted to "help me" months and months ago have been dismissive, inattentive, or just plainly not present at all. And, it kind of builds up this sense that, you know, people on Bluesky, or trans community related circles on Bluesky, are largely fake and superficial, even as the government is moving to legislate the trans community out of existence.
And it's really telling that the only time anyone on Bluesky wants to engage with me, genuinely, is when I talk about the numerous upon numerous abuses that have been perpetuated against me over the course of a decade, via Laurelai Bailey.
You're probably reading this and maybe you're thinking to yourself, "Wow, what a victim complex," or "Jesus, are you just a punching bag for assholes?"
Whatever you're thinking, I just haven't really given myself space to talk about these sorts of things, online, on my own damn blog, and I'm suddenly realizing, I don't really know why? I'm an adult. I can say and do whatever I want? Bad people can't stop me from talking about myself, or about bad things that have happened?
And maybe that's one of the reasons I'm so angry all of the time. Angry because so many people have perpetuated harm, against me specifically, and have never answered for it, and angry because ... for like, five years I haven't given myself space to talk about myself, to talk about how dead and alone everything feels. To be, emotionally and mentally, exactly the same as I was ten years ago, but ignored, ghosted, and treated as an entity that doesn't exist at all, while the only thing that's ever happened to me, is just constant fucking abuse. To talk about these things on the website that all the internet leftists, and the trans community praise constantly, and to widely be sneered at, to have people jump into my mentions, or onto the comments in my blog posts and only make snide fucking remarks.
I've had enough, and it's about time things start to change.
Source: https://mkultra.monster/thoughts/2025/1 ... lizations/
And he shares it with his followers, which just so happen to contain a little less than a handful of other people who also hate me for things, like, calling them out on transmisogyny, calling them out for selling generative slop on their Patreons, and so on and so forth.
I addressed this guy on his Mastodon account, and he referred to me as a "journalist" (despite thinking that what I write is "not very good"), and that he shouldn't have to respect blocks, even though I've had him blocked on Bluesky for almost a year after discovering that he added me to a blocklist specifically called something like, "People allergic to AI," and then later, "People who are mean to the Bluesky devs" abloobloobloo. In fact, I only know that this guy has been obsessively commenting on my blog posts related to Bluesky, because I have webmentions turned on, and I've been largely ignoring him.
But, it made me kind of realize something kind of unrelated?
I've been ... afraid to talk about myself? To write about ... myself! Because of stuff like this. Because of stalkers, and people who obsess. And, I kind of realize that this whole act of only writing about news, gaming news, games, etc, etc, probably feels or reads like I'm holding everyone and everything at arms length.
And I am.
I've written about a lot of different things in regard to myself over the years, but more like ... in a scattered sort of way. I've routinely talked about what happened in 2020 on Twitter in regard to the synthwave community, and what the people over at nightride.fm perpetuated that effectively excommunicated me from the scene, as an artist, because I told Moonrunner that it was transphobic to call me a "he/she/they" when he was addressing me in a "sub-posting" sort of manner. And I've tried to bring this up each time I release a new album (by the way, I have an album releasing on October 31st). There's a lot more to it than that. A lot more artists involved in the backlash, some of which still block me across new social networks as they crop up.
There has never been any justice for this, nobody has ever reaped what they've sewn.
Most people know, that, after this incident, I returned to the physical offline workspace, and returned to the closet. I stuffed myself back into the closet, as a trans woman, because, well ... I'm scared? I don't have any support? I don't even really have all that many friends. And I'm getting older. We all know that a lot of trans community online spaces don't really give two shits about you once you've grown past the age of like, twenty nine. A lot of people online in-general will act as though you're a ghost, unless they personally feel like they can fuck you.
And boy oh boy, do I feel like a ghost most days.
Heck, the first time I registered on Bluesky, back when it was still an invite-only privileged garden, I was dogpiled by some trans community personality cult (Bonnie? @bonnie?? I don't know), because I asked her to slap a content warning on posts where she addressed her followers (I was one of them) as "tr_nnies." Content warnings are kind of a no-brainer that happen regularly on ActivityPub/Mastodon, and I suppose it was my mistake for thinking that people on other sites also care about other people.
But, I had only signed up on Bluesky, because Meta was fumbling Threads, and basically started making it worse only months after having launched it.
And I was only on Threads, because I was banned from hackers.town (now masto.hackers.town) for having a mental health crisis wherein I told a troll to go fuck himself, and lost my account of fours years. This is also something I've talked about frequently.
The admin has never reached out to apologize.
This is why I feel the most comfortable on social media, if I'm the one who runs the server, and has control over my data. And this is also why my social "reach" is basically dead.
On Bluesky, there's no "engagement" because half the people I see on the timeline are sharing and saying things that are, frankly, horrible and wrong most of the time (like this trans man, recently, who just came out of the woodwork calling trans people "chasers" for dating each other, and there was mostly absolutely zero push-back), and I don't tolerate them. I'm not nice. I have no reason to be nice to most people, because most people haven't given me a reason to treat them kindly ... at least, on the big ol' Bluesky. Even the people who've claimed that they wanted to "help me" months and months ago have been dismissive, inattentive, or just plainly not present at all. And, it kind of builds up this sense that, you know, people on Bluesky, or trans community related circles on Bluesky, are largely fake and superficial, even as the government is moving to legislate the trans community out of existence.
And it's really telling that the only time anyone on Bluesky wants to engage with me, genuinely, is when I talk about the numerous upon numerous abuses that have been perpetuated against me over the course of a decade, via Laurelai Bailey.
You're probably reading this and maybe you're thinking to yourself, "Wow, what a victim complex," or "Jesus, are you just a punching bag for assholes?"
Whatever you're thinking, I just haven't really given myself space to talk about these sorts of things, online, on my own damn blog, and I'm suddenly realizing, I don't really know why? I'm an adult. I can say and do whatever I want? Bad people can't stop me from talking about myself, or about bad things that have happened?
And maybe that's one of the reasons I'm so angry all of the time. Angry because so many people have perpetuated harm, against me specifically, and have never answered for it, and angry because ... for like, five years I haven't given myself space to talk about myself, to talk about how dead and alone everything feels. To be, emotionally and mentally, exactly the same as I was ten years ago, but ignored, ghosted, and treated as an entity that doesn't exist at all, while the only thing that's ever happened to me, is just constant fucking abuse. To talk about these things on the website that all the internet leftists, and the trans community praise constantly, and to widely be sneered at, to have people jump into my mentions, or onto the comments in my blog posts and only make snide fucking remarks.
I've had enough, and it's about time things start to change.
Source: https://mkultra.monster/thoughts/2025/1 ... lizations/